The Donald for President

What the Hell Theater - 4/28/11

After 19 Years In college, an Iowa woman will finally graduate at the age of 48. Kathy Vitzthum took her first class at Iowa State University in 1992. She took, on average, one class per semester and 19 years later she's graduating suma cum laude with a bachelor's degree in accounting. "I've been doing this so long, I don't think I'll know how not to do it," Vitzthum said. "It almost gives me anxiety to not know what I'm doing this summer." It took Vitzthum so long to finish because she was juggling a full-time job and two kids, who were six and eight when she started.

What the Hell Theater - 4/26

You can get soda, potato chips and candy bars from a vending machine, so why not booze? Pennsylvania's Liquor Control Board is close to rolling out a pilot program to allow sales of hard liquor at wine vending kiosks inside grocery stores. The agency plans to test the sales in about five or 10 locations, possibly starting in the next few weeks. Some of the few dozen machines now operating are selling only a couple of bottles per day. A board official says what kind of hard-liquor products will be available through the machines hasn't been decided. In order to buy the adult beverages, buyers have to swipe their ID and breathe into a sensor to make sure they're old enough and sober enough to purchase alcohol.

Improv Motorized Wheelchair

See more funny videos and Technology at Todays Big Thing.

What the Hell Theater - 4/25

Colorado police said a teenager marking the marijuana-celebrating holiday 4/20 crashed into a deputy's patrol car while under the influence of the drug. Boulder police said the 17-year-old driver of a Pontiac Grand Prix was leaving a 4/20 event at the University of Colorado Wednesday and struck an empty Boulder County Sheriff's Office patrol car while the deputy was directing traffic. Police said no one was injured in the crash but the teenager was taken to Boulder Community Hospital for "issues related to marijuana use." The teenager is facing tickets for driving under the influence of drugs and reckless driving.

Busy tonight?

What the Hell Theater - 4/22

A Florida woman said the iPhone app she created uses games to prevent people from sending drunk text messages they would later regret. Samantha Deeter contacted an app development company with her idea and they made her a partner in the creation of the Textalyzer app. Deeter said users of the app create "forbidden" lists of people likely to receive drunk text messages and their phone then forces them to play a series of four games to send the message. If the user fails the games, they are asked in 12 hours if they still want to send the message. The user can also program in reminders of why they might not want to text the intended recipients.

Police in Naperville, Illinois, say a man told them he fell asleep with an escort in his home and awoke to find his cell phone, laptop and $800 cash among the items missing. The man called police Saturday and said he had fallen asleep about 1 a.m. with the escort still in his apartment. He awoke later in the morning to find her gone with his belongings. The man said his driver's license, credit card and Social Security card also had disappeared. The man admitted he hired the escort from a website, but said they "did not engage in any sexual activity."

Firefighters in Manchester, New Hampshire, were called to a parking lot when a woman attempting to retrieve keys from a friend's car got wedged in the sunroof. Firefighters said when they arrived at the Walgreen's parking lot about 6:45 p.m. Monday they found the woman stuck up to her waist in the Saab's sunroof. The woman told firefighters she had been trying to retrieve her friend's keys from the vehicle. Firefighters said they tried opening the doors but instead armed the security system, locking the woman in place. They were eventually able to squeeze the sunroof open and free her using a portable airbag. The woman, who complained of minor breathing difficulties, was checked and released at the scene.

What the Hell Theater - 4/21

A 20-year-old Montana woman has admitted using her future father-in-law's credit card to ring up nearly $6,000 in unauthorized charges, including things for her wedding. The man said his card was stolen and used to make more than 50 transactions last fall, including more than $1,600 for the motel where his son was married. The bride has plead guilty. A plea deal would give the woman a six-year deferred sentence, $500 fine and restitution.

What the Hell Theater - 4/20

Oregon police said a 6-year-old boy who took his family's van to go buy some food was not injured when he crashed head-on into a pickup truck. Oregon state troopers responded to a call Sunday morning about a crash. They arrived to discover the boy had been driving his mother's 1996 Plymouth Voyager. The boy told troopers he had taken the van and a roll of pennies from his apartment because he was hungry and wanted to buy some food. The driver of the pickup was treated for minor injuries. Police said the investigation is ongoing and child welfare officials are involved.

What the Hell Theater - 4/19

A pharmacist in Pascagoula, Mississippi, says burglars got a surprise when they broke into his business to steal the narcotic pain medication Lortab - he had replaced the pills with beans. Pharmacist Mac Clark works at Fred's Drug Store and said the store has been broken into several times in the past six months, and each time the burglars stole Lortab. So he decided he needed a decoy and put kidney beans in a large Lortab bottle. Around 6 a.m. Wednesday, the burglars returned. The only thing stolen was the Lortab bottles filled with beans.

A 15-year-old Floridian will start her freshman year at MIT, thanks to perfect SAT scores in math and physics. Jennifer Tilton, Suncoast Community High School's current valedictorian, says her intelligence just comes naturally. She started kindergarten when she was 4 and skipped first and fifth grades. She started high school when she was just 11. She says she has no regrets about skipping grades and is a normal teenager - wearing flip flops to school and carrying an iPhone everywhere she goes.

What the Hell Theater - 4/18

Officials with a Charlotte, North Carolina, children's library said a man and woman were banned from all county libraries after being caught having sex in the facility. Police said the 20-year-old man and 18-year-old woman were caught in the act by a library worker and a security officer in the children's library's teen lounge. There were no children in the area at the time.  The couple has been banned from all Charlotte Library buildings.

A Windermere, Florida, man whose wife's car had been stolen said he was shocked to see the vehicle in front of him when he stopped at a red light. Ben Gaskill and his family returned home from a trip to find their home had been broken into and the his wife's 2005 Hyundai Sonata stolen. On his way to work Monday he stopped at a red light and recognized a familiar flower sticker in the rear window of the vehicle in front of him. He called 911 and directed deputies to the stolen vehicle's location. Deputies arrested three 17-year-olds and a 16-year-old in connection with the case.

What the Hell Theater - 4/15

If you're going to steal a car you might not want to ask the cops for help with gas. Officers in West Fargo, North Dakota, busted a young man who wanted a gas voucher. Assistant Chief Mike Reitan said the 19-year-old showed up at a police station looking for a gas voucher. The department works with a local charity to provide help with gas in emergencies. The suspect told police he had to get to a funeral. Reitan said the car the young man was driving had been reported stolen.

Kiss Cam... this just got AWESOME

What the Hell Theater 4/14

A 25-year-old man claims he has a perfectly good reason for stealing beer - the store wouldn't sell it to him. But there's a few problems with his "perfectly good" story. The man carried the case of beer out of a Walgreens after it had closed. Police say he tripped an alarm. The suspect told officers he couldn't get anyone to sell him the brew while the store was open, so he found a place to hide, waited for everyone to leave, then helped himself.

Police in Washington, Pennsylvania said they were tipped off to a fake ID when a scanner used on it read the cardholder's height as 54 feet tall. Police said an employee at an alcohol distributor in the city called police Saturday night when a card scanner read the height as 54 feet tall, instead of the intended 5 feet, 4 inches. Police said the incident led them to seize multiple fake IDs used at the establishment, and most of the young people interviewed identified the same website as the source of the false documents. Police said the investigation was ongoing and charges will likely be filed.

979X @ WB Hardware Bar Friday Night!

What the Hell Theater - 4/13

Authorities in Jensen Beach, Florida, said an allegedly intoxicated driver apparently mistook a hearing aid for a cigarette during a traffic stop. David Wagner was pulled over last Tuesday and a deputy who detected the scent of alcohol noticed the man attempt to light a hearing aid while he was calling for another deputy to complete a DUI investigation. A breath test found Wagner's blood-alcohol level was well over the legal limit for driving. The arrest report said the motorist admitted to drinking "a half a bottle of Jagermeister" earlier in the evening.

What the Hell Theater - 4/12

A 43-year-old man has been jailed on charges he took up residence in a $500,000 Murrysville, Pennsylvania, home without the owner's permission. Frederick Harris III remained in jail Friday on burglary, criminal trespass and criminal mischief charges filed Wednesday when police say they found him in the home. Police say he had toured the home with a real estate agent, he later broke a window, pulled up the "For Sale" sign and moved in.

A Boston man was arrested yesterday morning after crashing his car into a home while drunk and asleep at the wheel. Officers spotted a man at the wheel with the doors locked and the engine running at an intersection. As the officers closed in, the car started to roll, then picked up speed, jumped a curb, and crashed into the bedroom of a home. 14-year-old twins, were asleep in the bedroom. The car's headlights came to a rest just a few feet from their beds.

Sign Punch Fail

See more funny videos and Ouch at Todays Big Thing.

What the Hell Theater - 4/7

Police in Orland Park, Illinois, said a passenger allegedly tried to distract officers with a 911 call about people with guns outside of a bar during a traffic stop. Police pulled over Brian Elitzer around 3 a.m. Sunday on suspicion of driving under the influence. They said passenger Stephen Fratto called 911 during the traffic stop to report men with guns outside of a local bar. Police said the 911 dispatcher could hear the officer conducting the traffic stop during the call and became suspicious. Elitzer was cited for DUI and Fratto was arrested and charged with false reporting of an offense.

Enema

Wait, is it going in from the bottom, or is he? Wait, what?

What the Hell Theater - 4/6

Police in Sarasota, Florida, said a gas station employee used a screwdriver to chase away an armed robber. When he man, armed with a handgun, confronted the clerk at the Hess station around 2:30 a.m. yesterday morning, the clerk challenged him with a screwdriver. The man fled without taking any cash. Police are searching for the would-be robber.

979X Vibrator Races @ WB Hardware Bar

Winner walks out of the WB Hardware Bar with a trip to the Bahamas!

What the Hell Theater - 4/5

A 16-year-old Bloomington, Illinois, girl has been given $150 in tickets after the worried victims of her April Fools' Day prank called police. Police said the girl texted her friend and cousin Friday morning and told them she'd been robbed and shot in the foot. The pair called police, who rushed to a home where they found the 16-year-old safe. She hadn't been robbed or shot. The girl received a $100 ticket for disorderly conduct and a $50 ticket for truancy because she wasn't in school.

Authorities in Tucson, Arizona, say a boy and a girl were seriously injured after strong wind lifted the bouncy house they were in and set it down on a road. Trish Tracy of the Tucson fire department said the play house was blown across three lanes of traffic and landed on a median Saturday. Tracy says the children suffered serious but non-life threatening injuries. The National Weather Service says the incident was caused by a weather phenomenon known as a dust devil, in which a column of air can rotate up to 60 mph.

HEADS UP! Almost car accident death!

See more funny videos and Technology at Todays Big Thing.

What the Hell Theater - 4/4

Federal authorities says they found two and a-half tons of pot inside a truck hauling watermelons from Mexico. Authorities say a drug sniffing dog detected the weed at an Arizona border crossing. Officials estimate that load of pot has a street value of nearly $3 million. The driver, a Mexican man, faces federal prosecution.

An Ohio woman who called 911 from the trunk of her car told officers she had accidentally trapped herself in the rear of the vehicle. Ravenna police officers responded to a 911 call placed by the woman Wednesday. They freed her from the trunk of her Pontiac Sunfire. She said she had accidentally closed herself in the trunk. The vehicle had been parked in front of a Subway restaurant with the doors open and the keys in the ignition.

What the Hell Theater - 4/1

Authorities in Southern California say a woman showed up in court seeking a delay in her sentencing with a forged doctor note. Michelle Elaine Astumian had pleaded no contest to forging drug prescriptions. Prosecutors say her doctor's note asking for a postponement was also forged. Officials said she will be sentenced at a later date.

A Pennsylvania trucker may have saved his own life with an unintentional and elaborate Heimlich maneuver. Police say 55-year-old Richard Paylor was eating an apple as he drove on a busy highway in Reading when he began choking Tuesday morning. Paylor lost consciousness and crashed through a concrete median. Investigators believe the apple was dislodged when Paylor smacked his chest against the steering wheel. Police recovered a chunk of apple from the dashboard. Doctors backed up the conclusion that the accident dislodged the offending fruit.